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Coming from the UK, I used to think sitting on park benches was an activity for old people with nothing to do or for tired mothers watching their offspring eat dirt and forage for cigarette butts. But here, the activity is much more democratic. Probably because its free and people don’t mind if you kiss a lot. In fact on park benches in Kyiv kissing seems almost expected. But the most amazing thing about the benches here is how many there are and how nice they seem to be. If somebody put benches like these – heavy, well made and painted – in a park in London they would last fifteen minutes before homeless people fell asleep on them, glue sniffers scarred them with records of passion or drunk teens set them alight because, well, because teens like fires. But we’re luckier here, and you should really take advantage of it. Whether it’s a date, an afternoon dedicated to summer reading, or just a quiet place to think, here’s my list of the best places to sit outside in the capital.

Before I begin, I should note that for this Best Of I’m considering only benches in proper parks in the city center. This means the old botanical gardens are out, as are the benches outside your house, in the square in front of the Ivan Franko Theater and even the rather nice benches with the lion-headed armrests outside the Institute of Physical Culture. Also excluded are the lovely old benches that line the pavements and terraces of Khreshchatyk, and Prorizna that earned such a unique place in history when they formed the walls of the tent camp during the Orange Revolution. Next time you sit on one of these remind yourself that once upon a time it was slated to be the first line of defense against the charge of the riot police that – fortunately – never came.

Shevchenko park, in front of the livid red university, was once a dusty parade ground. Now it’s a level, formally laid out park with dozens of heavy, comfortable benches along the wide walkways. There are kiosks selling beer and snacks, pancakes from the stand outside O’Panas restaurant, a public toilet (not recommended unless you’re desperate) and an X-factor: benches with chess. Play, watch, be a chess groupie. The one downside to this park is you seem more at the mercy of panhandlers and drunken “new best friends.” Once my girlfriend and I consented – after much hassling – to hear one character’s poem. The poem was about the fact that he needed money. Lovely.

If you’re trying to pretend you’re not in the city center then the Botanical Gardens are for you. You can sit on the trunks of fallen trees and the ground falls so steeply from the road that sometimes it’s even hard to hear the traffic.

At the other end of the Chervonoarmiyska-Khreshchatyk axis, above European Square and Poshtova Ploshcha, is Volodymyrska Park. One end meets the top of the funicular and here the benches are beauties: ergonomically curved and heavy, beautifully varnished, dozens of closely fitted slats saving you from nasty pinches to your projecting or sagging bits. You can sit and watch drunk teens competing to injure themselves with the most flair on the children’s playground or further along simply enjoy the view of Podil, the river bend, and the astonishing stretch of treetops between you and the Left Bank. Further along, behind Ukrainsky Dom, there are views of the arch and the philharmonic annoyingly accompanied by traffic noise.

On the other side of European square begins Mariyinsky park. Up the steps from the arch, benches ring a water fountain, and four or five of them face across the river to the Left Bank which, in the distance and in the right light, looks pale and interesting below its summery yellow fog of pollution. Further along, across the “lovers bridge” between Dynamo Stadium and the top of the riverbank, benches have been dragged across to the railing, getting you closer to the view and giving you a place to put your feet up, letting you really take a load off in comfort.

Beyond these Mariyinsky park opens out. There is an open-air theater, where most evenings you can be entertained by dancers practicing swing and rock-and-roll on the little stage. Between the theater and the palace, crisscrossing paths are studded with benches. Here there is no view beyond the slim trunks of trees and the elegant palace wall made lovely by sunset, but at the end of the day when the air between the planes and horse chestnuts is thickened and tinted smoky blue by dusk you don‘t need much more.

In front of the palace, benches ring the big old fountain on its slight rise and on the weekend you’re entertained by children riding ponies, driving electric cars, and, if you’re really lucky, annoying a sad-looking camel. The palace terrace is beautifully paved and lit by old lamps like a little piece of Paris, but given a uniquely Ukrainian edge by the tents of protestors in front of the Rada. At the edge of this terrace there is a curve of wall set with a bench top and a wrought iron back which, though uncomfortable, looks very pretty. Here your only problem is a lack of refreshment, meaning you have to queue at the little gastronom at the park’s main entrance for your beer and chips.
But the best bench, the best bench in the whole of central Kyiv, is in Volodymyrska Hirka park, on the corner directly above the statue of St. Vladimir himself. Here the view – of the river (including the lunatics climbing up the supports of the pedestrian bridge), the trees and the islands, the Left Bank and the arch – is sensational, and made even better because the bench sits on a little platform four steps high. Its advantage is completed by having a roof. In fact, this bench is actually nicer than most apartments I’ve lived in. The only problem of course is that lots of other people also know this, so if you really want a spot at the end of the day, it’s best to bribe a bored babushka to mind it for you. Buy her the biggest bag of sunflower seeds you can, and ask her to guard it till your moment of need. Good luck.

by Joe Field, Journalist

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And if the mood strikes to take in some of the city’s Soviet kitsch, an evening meal at the restaurant SSSR is practically perfect – that is, if atmosphere rather than fine dining is what you have in mind.

My friend and I met after work in front of the Pecherska Lavra, a monastery complex dating back to the 11th century that is one of Kyiv’s most notable architectural landmarks, contributing to its fame as the gold-domed city. She was 20 minutes late, having mistimed just how long it takes to get out of metro Arsenalna, which, with its two sets of escalators, is the deepest station in the entire city.

On the way to SSSR, you’ll pass the Vichnoyi Slavy Park that holds not only the Great Patriotic War museum, but also the eternal flame marking the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and also a 26-meter-high obelisk dedicated to Soviet soldiers slain during the war.

After a short 10-minute walk from the Lavra, we approached the restaurant Tsarske Selo and its second cousin SSSR nestled into an inviting grassy knoll. The thatched roofs and stationary grazing horses set the whole evening in motion. SSSR is primarily an outdoor restaurant and is open seasonally. Its thatched exterior might shelter you from a light rain, but it’s really best to eat here when the weather is charming.

We arrived around 7:30 last Thursday evening and the restaurant was already packed with foreigners, older government types, businessmen, and a handful of nouveau-riche 30-somethings, so we had to settle for one of the only empty tables available, near the entrance. It wasn’t until the next patrons walked in that we realized the pink convertible “Soviet Cadillac” with the top down was actually seating, complete with pillows to make your experience in the back seat all the more enjoyable.

The interior of the restaurant can at first be overly stimulating. Photomontages capturing different eras of the Soviet experiment cover the walls. Soviet memorabilia (including ubiquitous busts of Lenin and Stalin) and also figurines, statuettes, traditional pottery and glassware with a distinct peasant flair adorn every available nook. The flat-screen TVs playing Soviet films from the 1960s-1980s remind you that you’re dining in the 21st century.

Allow yourself to slowly acclimate to your environment and take the time to look around. The live jazz band playing Soviet hits will soothe your nerves, while you peruse the lengthy though not exhaustive menu. And the tables are arranged so that, once you’ve settled in, your dining experience can be a relatively private one.

A young komsomolets reminiscent of Pavlik Morozov, the Soviet child supposedly killed by his ‘kulak’ relatives for denouncing his father to Stalin’s secret police, gazed disapprovingly at our table.

We decided to begin with the most traditional introduction to a Ukrainian meal – 50 grams (yes 50, it was a Thursday and we still had to go to work the next day) of Nemiroff Premium vodka (Hr 10), accompanied by salo (lard just isn’t an appropriate translation) and bread (Hr 11). Our attentive server asked whether or not we’d like some juice with this order and suggested a tasty glass of mors, a juice cooked from black currants (Hr 6 for a full glass). My friend ordered a pineapple juice (also Hr 6).

The vodka came perfectly chilled, although the salo was nothing to write home to Baba about – it lacked any of the smoked or seasoned flavor that we’ve come to expect, and the dark bread was not all that fresh.

My friend was hoping to satisfy her craving for Ukrainian borshch, but you won’t find any at SSSR, one of the first indicators that this is indeed a Soviet-style restaurant – although the waitress did speak Ukrainian to us. The wait staff is also very professional.

The rest of the menu had an array of Georgian dishes, probably a tribute to Dyadya Stalin, although their description impresses more than their execution. The complimentary and generous loaf of lavash bread comes with three spreads, the more memorable being a spicy Caucasian adzhika and a milder herbed cheese, and was delicious.

We decided to go with the “Kavkaz” salad (Hr 34), made of cubes of breaded and fried cheese tossed with red lettuce, avocado, red peppers, and a light dressing, and the T’bilisi appetizer (Hr 29), which sounded like a delightfully fresh tomato, cheese and basil salad. The tomatoes had been peeled so they palely resembled their more colorful siblings sold at market in late spring. The appearance of the dish was not exactly appetizing, but my friend did finish it all (I had none).

SSSR also advertises the “best shashlik in town” (Hr 48) and we were unable to resist because there’s nothing like an expertly seasoned grilled piece of pork. SSSR’s rendition is more akin to the standard lightly seasoned variety that you can get almost anywhere in Kyiv, and although it lacked the succulent juicy perfection of a well-cooked shashlik, it was good enough to eat, which we did, with a nice plate of new potatoes seasoned just right with a little butter, dill and parsley (Hr 14).

My friend ordered the Chakhokhbili for her main dish, which is a spicy Georgian stew cooked with chicken that ideally falls right off the bone. The dish was served cold, but complemented the rest of the meal well.

As dusk transitioned into the first hours of night, however, SSSR took on another feel entirely, and we recommend slowly savoring the meal and the conversation sure to be inspired by the restaurant’s interior. The wicker lamps throughout the restaurant give it a pleasant glow at night and the springtime evening breeze put just the right touch to the last hour of the meal.

Your experience doesn’t have to end with the restaurant, as the neighborhood provides ample opportunity for an evening stroll. The surrounding kiosks work until at least 11 and the view of the Dnipro and the illuminated bridge leading to the high-rises on the left bank at night is one of the best in all of Kyiv.

SSSR

Sichnevoho Povstannya, 42/1, 280-3066

Open daily 10 a.m. to 1 a.m.

English-language menu: Yes

English-speaking staff: Yes
by Orysia Kulick, Kyiv Post Staff Writer

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The penetrating rhymes will take your body shaking, meaning swinging. One can imagine himself far from Kyiv downtown, all the way to Kansas City, Chicago, or New York. Again Fletcher Henderson, Duke Ellington, Glen Miller are touching your soul. During breaks in performances you are back to home-like Kyiv, were the musicians are worth authentic artists from land of Mr. George Bush Jr., and famous jazz legends are watching the swinging up from the photos on the walls.

The allegorical “kitchen is full of improvisation” here is full with virtuosity and skillfulness. Chef is a real maestro, absolute cosmopolite who works in “fusion” style. Famous dishes from Europe, all of America, Africa, and Australia are all made by his skills. One dish tastes like a real regtime, another is a heady blues to taste, if you go for another one a desire to sing hard bop arises, and with the next you be careful – it is a jungle style. One is not simply eating the food, but is improvising together with musicians and virtuoso Chef. And this improvisation is fully under your control: in “Swing” you will be helped to incamate your veiled culinary fantasies. Just go ahead and allude to chef the idea, sing the melody of taste, come within the creative process. You will enjoy your masterpiece. There is one more mystery, or piquancy, in this restaurant: eat your dish longer, take your time and you will se how the food’s taste changes with the flow of different live music.

Inside “Swing” holds allure of the extravagant interior, which is like an elegant cocktail with blends of Middle Ages and modern times. Here vaulted ceilings, bricks, copper arches, and ice-smooth floor for reckless dancing is in perfect harmony with glass over old car under it. The car is covered with sand of time, but the music is alive. Come to “Swing” and live you’re the only life without regrets that it went by without improvisations.

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